Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Slap Happy

I had breakfast with a friend of mine this morning... and he made a comment that was most definitely blog worthy. He said that he wished that everyone had a slap quota... basically this slap quota would allow you to slap anyone you wish without fear of retribution. Now the question is how often does this ration of slaps get replenished. I say daily. So each day, we should all be allowed to slap one person for whatever reason we choose. Some examples include the following:
  • People who stand in the express check-out lane with more than the alloted number of items
  • People who say things that are so ridiculous that they don't warrant being corrected... they just need to be slapped
  • People who use air quotes incorrectly
  • People who ask you questions they have no business asking

Now I am sure you are all thinking this would be a bad idea because everyone would be slapping each other... but I think if we punished the above mentioned behaviors with a firm hand to the cheek, many of them would cease to exist.

So I am interested to hear what some of you would consider "slap worthy" behavior.


Laurie said...

People who use air quotes incorrectly

This is the greatest! But it concerns me that you want to slap so many people so often. Really?Every day? I would save my slap quota up for a really bad day and use them all at once...that would be refreshing.

Todd Richards said...

Well... I may not use my slap everyday. I just want the comfort to know that I can. No "slap banks" will be allowed in my slap-happy world. That is why you need to use your one slap wisely.

Laurie said...

I might slap people who tell me I can't save up my slaps. ;)

Anonymous said...

What a great idea... I bet the friend that provided such an amazing concept is very intelligent and desperately good looking!

kristi said...

One a day? Really? I'm thinking I need at least 5 day, maybe more.... keep in mind I commute an hour to work every day- my 5 would be gone by the time I got to work!

kristen said...

I just want to AMEN your point 4. :)

Slapping seems a bit harsh...maybe pinching would be better. ;)

Todd, you obviously have some humble friends! (desperately good looking? nice!) ;)

dovie said...

I submit 'People who cut in line" and "People who are impatient about waiting in line behind you" to the list for consideration.

Arshunda said...

Slap Worthy Behavior:

The news reporter who interviews the man with the shower cap and gold teeth for the 5 o'clock well as the man with the gold teeth and shower cap for being in public looking a hot mess

People who speed up to get in front of you...then slow down.

People who pop their gum. Grownups who can't seem to get their gum to keep quiet. These folks deserve a double backhanded slap.

People who can't control their children in public.

Troy said...

Todd, you say that "people who stand in the express check-out lane with more than the alloted number of items" are slap-worthy. Dovie, you say that "people who are impatient about waiting in line behind you" are also. One day I was, without realizing it, standing in line behind someone with more than 15 items. I made the comment to my friend that I become irritated with breakers of the 15 item rule. The lady in front of me turned around with a slightly penitent penitent look and said, "Would you like to go in front of me?" So, in this case, who should be slapped? Me, or the lady in front of me? Should we slap each other? Do the slaps offset?

riles said...

Wow, Troy. Way to go and blow the good, slap-happy times! Well, I am surprised the Captain of the grammar patrol hasn't posted here yet.

I would want to slap the people who use their slaps frivolously. Also, the people who file frivolous law suits. Actually, I would like one slap per frivolous person. (Yes, I think people can be frivolous apart from their actions... wait... that would then include me... okay, nevermind... just slap ME, as I use too many elipses.)

dovie said...

Who is the captain of the grammar patrol, anyway?

Troy said...

People that don't update their blogs in over a month deserve to be slapped.